Artbound: Giant Robot

If you haven’t already, watch the latest installment of KCET’s Artbound on Giant Robot. The documentary is a very intimate look at the birth of Giant Robot, its creators, contributors, and impact. It covers the eventual end of the magazine, how Giant Robot has lived on through its Sawtelle stores and gallery, and its seeds of creativity and conviction that continue to grow.

I was lucky to be part of Giant Robot from 2004 to 2012. I was a reader of the magazine for many years before that, and working at the stores was the most magical return to retail that I could have ever imagined. I found a home there and a sense of purpose. The store staff, the magazine staff, the artists we worked with, and even the customers became family. When the store manager moved on, I asked to take her place. Over the next few years, I worked with Eric on curating shows, helping to open our new stores in New York and Silver Lake, overseeing the retail operations of the business, and eventually contributing to the magazine and blog now and then. I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else, even when things started getting challenging. It was an experience that shaped who I am today, and I’m eternally grateful for it and all the trust and faith Eric had in me.

The pull of Mongolia was the only thing that could tear me away from GR. I’ve found ways to bring GR back into my life here, beyond the art on the walls of the house Aagii built for us. For Asian American Heritage Month, I gave a presentation on GR to a small group of Mongolian teenagers. They were curious about counter-culture and how we managed to cover so much; art, authors, filmmakers, activism, food, music, and identity. I hoped they’d walk away with their horizons a little broader than they were before and a greater sense of belonging if they struggled with the idea of fitting in. GR did that for me the first time I picked up a copy, and certainly once I found a family there.

Watching the documentary was a lot. It moved at warp speed through a history I lived as a fan and then as part of the family. It revisited the hardest times for GR; when the magazine ended, and the restaurant and the New York, San Francisco, and Silver Lake stores closed their doors. It brought back so many wonderful memories of major milestones, and it was filled with the faces and voices of friends who were such an important part of my life for so many years. Most of all, it reminded me of what I walked away from and how precious it was.

It’s been 10 years since Sawtelle was my second home, but with so many GR-orbit friends still in my life, it doesn’t feel that far away. But the documentary reminded me how far removed from it all I actually am. I’m “in” the documentary in photos and video clips, which made me feel a little less invisible in the GR story, but there’s a fading away that happens when you leave GR. Slipping out of orbit into irrelevance can be a lonely experience.

When we leave relationships and places, we’d like to think we’re remembered, but life moves on without us. It takes effort to maintain ties, but the energy it takes to move forward drains from those resources. If we’re lucky, we get chances to reconnect and return to the people who matter. I try to do that whenever I’m back in Los Angeles, but I struggle with the reality of relevance.

I’m going to watch the documentary again with Terra someday, so she can learn more about who I am and what I value in life, friendship, and the things I do. I’m so incredibly proud of Eric and what he created for all of us. I miss him. Most of all, I’m excited to see how he continues the legacy of GR and creates a home for creators and misfits.